Ever been frustrated enough to "kill" your project? Then you've contemplated SEWICIDE.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Iced Cinnamon Roll Entrails - a DIY of sorts

Because I fucked the cinnamon rolls.  Hard.

As always, the expectation:

And the reality:

The mistakes were many and all my own.  What was edible was delicious.  They smelled heavenly and the girls were obsessed...  But not so much after they saw them...  Well, Secunda was on board, but she's awesome like that.

Best big sis ever.  We love her so much.
There were lots of words and instructions on the back of the bag, all of which I ignored.  I was prepared for disaster, so I used my Gross Cookie Sheet.  But I was not prepared for THIS.  As a comparison:
Live, and learn to read the directions COMPLETELY.

Friday, December 13, 2013

So I "Made" Some "Jewelry"... And it doesn't suck.

And by "made", I mean "wrapped some wire around it" and by "jewelry" I mean "rocks the girls found in a drawer."
I've never wrapped anything before, so I didn't know I couldn't do it.  I found out, though.
Inline image 1
The agates are from Montana, I think.  They are really beautiful when they aren't terribly photographed and covered with greasy fingerprints (mine).  Here's the back:
Inline image 1

It's a hot mess.  But the girls don't care and new pretties are ALWAYS good.  They go in order, Prima's is the dark one, Secunda's is the pretty orange one and Tertia wanted the white one.  I just used some yarn to string them.  I have a friend (ANDIE!!) who actually went to SCHOOL to be craftier than the rest of us.  I haven't decided whether to send the pic to her...  

I was terrified to try it and it doesn't suck.  I'm putting this down as a "win". 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I fucked the fudge.

Fucked it right to hell.  
I was making it and got distracted (I know, how does that HAPPEN?) and put in too many marshmallows.  So it's fucked. 
Not just fucked, I found out, but ANGRY.  We were mocking it in the kitchen, you know, poking it with a fork and laughing...  This is where the freaky deaky music starts...

This fork had been standing up.  I went to mess with the brood and came back to this...  
 Inline image 1
Then it. Just. Got. Worse.
Inline image 1
IT WAS ANGRY.  And eating the FORK!  I was afraid to try to retrieve it, so we just watched it go... sniff..
Inline image 2
Bye, fork.  sob.  We had (choke) a good run...
Inline image 3
It's gonna be ok.  It's in a better place. 
Funeral and service on Wednesday.  (sniff) Bring a dish.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Pinterest Paper Plate Owl Awesome Sauce

Yeah, we fucking did.  Paper plate owls are ALL OVER Pinterest, so I said "Let's jump on that wagon, girlies!"  Well, sort of.  Actually I said, "Who wants to make paper plate owls?" and they were sold.  I went through my little scrap bin...
This bin makes me happy for some reason.
 And cut some wing-y goodness...
Small and big for the layering fun.
We headed outside for the painting...

Most of which actually made it on to the plates.  YAY!
Can I craft yet, Mom?  Almost, sweet baby.  Almost.
I got the supplies together while the paint congealed and we set to work.  Lots of glue, design, eyes, wing options, etc!  When we finally completed our owls for the final time, for REAL, we had this:
Tertia needed one more eye, for some reason.
Prima OWNED this craft!
Secunda also nailed it.
And mine.  I LOVE doing crafts with the girlies!

Saturday, October 26, 2013

I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!! - Pinterest Post

I have incontrovertible proof of life.  I found this is the reading nook under a floor cushion.  I fucking KNEW IT.  When I asked Secunda who might have made the mess she said, "It looks like fairy poop."  


Monday, October 14, 2013

Superhero Capes are for Every Day! (Fuck you, Halloween.)

The Tweedles love love love super hero ANYTHING.  The suits, the gadgets, the adventure, the CAPES!  So when I had some coupons from Joanns, we went to pick out fabric.  Well, THEY picked out fabric.  And such awesome fabric it was...
Stars for Secunda for her Wonder Woman cape and fireworks for Tertia.  The polyester satin lining was in the clearance section for roughly $2.50/yd, I already had the thread and bias tape.  Not only did I get these made on the cheap, they only took about 45 mins each.  I KNOW.
Tertia's fireworks.
Secunda's WW stars.
I sewed these like the easiest project ever:  
  1. Right sides together, sew perimeter leaving neck open.  (If you need a photo for this, I'm sorry!)
  2. Turn out, iron.
  3.  Fold over casing for tie, iron.
  4. Sew casing, then topstich entire cape.
  5. Thread bias tape tie, anchor in place thusly:
    Then GO GO GO!!!
I really eyeballed it, freehanded the shape with an entire yard of fabric and just cut to fit the available material.  I laid the cape and lining on top of each other so it was an exact fit.  Really simple, really fun.  I wish I could have gotten action shots, but the entire house has the Plague of the Cranks.

So, yay capes, fuck halloween (and apple ring pancakes) and rednecks at pumpkin patches.  You know who you are.
Skip To My Lou
Seen here!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Pinterest FAIL -or- Fuck Apple Ring Pancakes

I love Pinterest.  I really do.  It has made me a better mom, a more courageous artist, a funnier cynic, a more creative teacher.  So, I find cool ideas to try for the kiddos that are simple and appealing to the under-6 set.  I was absolutely entranced with the idea of these beautiful Apple Ring Pancakes from Gone Walkabout.
Beautiful. And not mine.
And I love Fails.  Of every kind.  Mine, yours, theirs.  I'm especially pleased when the fails are so epic, the attempts so sincere, and the perpetrator so able to laugh at themselves that it gets posted somewhere.  Like here, for instance.

Without further denial, here is my Apple Ring Debacle:
Fantastic.  Stuck all to shit on my non-stick griddle that used to be my best friend.  Used the recipe from Joy of Cooking for pancakes and the batter was luscious.  But fuck apple rings.  Fuck them right to hell.

And to prove I can actually cook at the level of a prison inmate, I made a jillion silver dollar cakes for everyone.
With powdered sugar instead of syrup because syrup is gross.  And I'm gonna post the shit out of this because it's just so sad.  And HILARIOUS.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Phobia

As previously discussed in my blog post here, I accept gifts in giant containers.  When the sweeties Aunties came by bearing crafty stuffs, I FREAKED.  I really did.  Partly because the way to my heart is either mustache-related shenanigans or craft supplies.
Secunda feels the same way.
I'm terrified of zippers.  I've made at least 100 bags and totes, all of them zipper-less.  I have a phobia of sewing with them, inserting them, looking at them...  I guess the universe felt it was time to kick me in the ass.  Again.

Auntie Sherri brought a Giant Bag of Zippers.  Not only was it a giant bag, but each zipper color was separated into its' own bag!  I know.  Ratcheting up the awesome.

Here's the brown and blue zippers.  There are metal, plastic, polyester, invisible, everything.
The red ones are awesome and turquoise?  Really?  These were salvaged from some antique clothes (you can open the bags and smell the Old).  I just love it.
Coral.  And LAVENDER.  And CORAL!  I know, I know.  I'm absolutely tickled. 
So, these are just incredible.  Now I have to grow, confront my phobia of failure, and get over my bullshit.  SO much harder than learning to sew with zippers.
With all the bags and bundles, there was even a stack still in the packaging.  One of the packages said 1974! Old as me... Sigh.  So...  What do I do with all this goodness?  Two words:  ZIPPER.  POUCHES.

And this is pretty much how I feel about the whole thing.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Fantastic Flubber! (Or "Awesome Sauce" at my house.)

I finally got the courage to do some real chemistry with the fairies in the kitchen and it was AMAZING.  We made Flubber from here at livecrafteat.com.  Not only is it ridiculously easy, there were enough steps for everyone to participate.  This is what we did, copied directly from the site:
what you need:
3/4 cup cold water
1 cup Elmer’s glue
liquid food coloring
1/2 cup hot water
1 teaspoon borax (you can find this in a box in the laundry aisle)
step 1: in bowl 1 – mix together the cold water, glue, and food coloring. set aside.
step 2: in bowl 2 – mix together the hot water and borax, until the borax is completely dissolved.
step 3: slowly add glue mixture to borax mixture. mix well. pour off excess water.
Read more: The site is great.
Prima measured the glue.
Secunda added the cold water and coloring.
She chose yellow for the color then stirred the mixture till it was uniform.
Tertia did the Borax and hot water step.  With stirring.
Then I helped with the combining and stirring to get the weirdest rubbery cohesive goo I've ever seen.
It was so neat to see.  I pulled it out and kneaded it together to smooth the texture.  The heat from my hands really helped, plus going s-l-o-w-l-y.  Secunda was on board IMMEDIATELY.
She played with it till bedtime!  Tertia was dubious...
Just not sure...
But she came around. Prima was on board from the get-go.
She was thrilled!
Science is COOOOOOOL!
Plus I told them it was called "Awesome Sauce."  Because that shit's fucking hilarious.

Seen here!